Aging parents need us at different stages of their journey. Learning their wishes before they are too fragile to communicate  will eliminate a lot of stress and hurt feelings by all involved. Communicating with them while they are healthy takes the guess work out of what we think our parents may want.  Some parents may not wish to talk with you about their needs but give it an honest try. Find out what they want you to do.  The  following suggestions may help set the tone for  maintaining peace and fulfilling their desires the best you can:

At what point do you remove elderly parents from their homes? Do you want a service to come in and assist with their care in an effort to keep them in their home for as long as possible?  Are you planning to move your parents into your home or directly into a care facility?  How safe is the home, are obstructions removed that could cause falls or other injuries?

Maintain and improve the quality of their health care. Do they have a health care directive which instructs the doctors their wishes for medical decisions when they are unable to make known their wishes?  Are they showing signs of depression, what indicators tell you they are experiencing geriatric depression? At what point do you contact  the doctor?  What about their hearing-are they showing signs of hearing loss? Do you need to talk louder but not shout?  Do they show the signs of  Dementia/Alzheimer’s disease ? How do you  work with your parent(s) and take control of their needs as they progress with this disease?

How will legal needs be handled? Do your parents have a living will? Is there a power of attorney in place that will enable you to handle legal matters. At what point will you take over paying their bills and handling other legal matters? Decide who will handle this and other legal matters before your parents are unable to designate the person they wish to handle their affairs.

There is no ideal  time to talk to your parents about their needs when they become too fragile to make known their desires.  They may be  parents who do not wish to talk about such things but  in the long run it will work for the benefit of all. By communicating with your parents over a period of time about their desires and getting legal needs under control, your parents and you will be free of undue stress. You will have a plan from which you may start . Most of the guess work will be eliminated.